Reasons For Bad Housekeeping

After the farrier left today, I spent some time catching up on some long-neglected housework. This got me thinking about how some people always have spotless houses, while the rest of us seem to accumulate more than our share of clutter and filth.

While washing the kitchen counters and sweeping up dust bunnies the size of subcompact cars off my floor, I got to wondering why that is. Before long, I came up with a set of theories.

1. People who have jobs that leave them exhausted at the end of the day do less housework than other people because when you've spent the day lugging hay bales, cleaning hooves, mucking paddocks, and wrestling unruly horses, all you want to do when you're finished is collapse on the couch and eat cold pizza straight from the box.

2. People who have jobs that expose them to dirty or gross conditions on a regular basis do less housework than other people because they've acquired a higher tolerance to filth. Face it, after you've had your hand inside a sheep to reposition a lamb so it can be born, a little spilled jam on the counter just doesn't have the same "ick" factor it once did.

3. People who don't get a lot of visitors do less housework because, frankly, who's going to know? So, if you're ever planning to come visit me, call first, okay? Trust me, you don't want to see what the place would look like otherwise! :-)

4. People with open-minded, or off-beat personalities do less housework because they're used to not caring as much what other people think of them. That's right. I'm not a slob, I'm a rugged individualist!

5. People with 8 cats, 3 dogs, 15 horses, a flock of sheep, and a husband do less housework because with the amount of grime that gets tracked in on a daily basis, it's a hopeless task. You may as well surrender!

Having conclusively proven to myself that it's a miracle I ever do any housework at all, I decided to postpone scrubbing the toilet, and go collapse on the couch.

Now where's that cold pizza?